Having to Choose
Day 20 – it’s odd that some people tell me that they think Michelle and I accomplish a lot. As newborn parents, we feel as if we’re treading water, just able to keep our heads above the murky depths of confusion and inefficiency.
Why? Well, for one, we’re having to relearn the meaning of time. For certain things, we’ve become incredibly efficient. This morning, I fried 4 eggs, 2 chicken & apple sausages, cut a cantaloupe, made a pot of tea, set the table, toasted bread, butter-and-jammed the bread, poured the orange juice. All in 11 minutes flat. For others, we are virtually incapacitated.
Right after our efficient breakfast, Michelle and I made plans to go swimming (Mimi) and hiking (Lian and I) over in Berkeley. That was at 11am. We finally walked out the door at 2pm. As a matter of interest, we had the following in tow: Lian in her carseat in my left hand, her day bag in my right (included: 3 diapers/wipes/diaper-rash-cream/extra blanket/suntan lotion/hat/extra shirt/2 plastic bags for diapers), the New York Times, my computer bag and a plastic bag with some fruit, a bottle of water, and some fruit bars. My sunglasses were around my neck. Michelle was directly behind me with her backpack filled with towel, swimsuit, books, journal, and a change of clothes.
It’s disturbing knowing that you’re getting better at certain things, but that you’re completely incompetent in others. And add to that – it’s just impossible to spend the same amount of time in the day that I would allocate to work, or to my real estate investing – now that we have Lian. Now, the time that she and I have together is time that I no longer have for myself or for my business. It’s not fair to compare time, since she is a beautiful being and a wonderful extra life to have around with us.
Yet at the same time, it’s inevitable that I compare. And it’s inevitable that I feel frustrated when it comes to the end of the day when she is in bed (when I sat down to write this, it was 10pm and Michelle had just finished feeding her and putting her to bed) and I no longer have the energy to do all the things that I had wanted to do. It is as if the choice of what to do each moment has become more striking - more clearly a choice. I have a choice of spending time, emotion and energy with my daughter, my wife, my wife and daughter, myself, or my work (and even that is split between my obligations to Chase and to my business partner in real estate). I have no more or less emotion, energy or time, but now I need to delegate it out to include one more very important person in my life. I will have to make that choice every single day probably for the next two decades.
Why? Well, for one, we’re having to relearn the meaning of time. For certain things, we’ve become incredibly efficient. This morning, I fried 4 eggs, 2 chicken & apple sausages, cut a cantaloupe, made a pot of tea, set the table, toasted bread, butter-and-jammed the bread, poured the orange juice. All in 11 minutes flat. For others, we are virtually incapacitated.
Right after our efficient breakfast, Michelle and I made plans to go swimming (Mimi) and hiking (Lian and I) over in Berkeley. That was at 11am. We finally walked out the door at 2pm. As a matter of interest, we had the following in tow: Lian in her carseat in my left hand, her day bag in my right (included: 3 diapers/wipes/diaper-rash-cream/extra blanket/suntan lotion/hat/extra shirt/2 plastic bags for diapers), the New York Times, my computer bag and a plastic bag with some fruit, a bottle of water, and some fruit bars. My sunglasses were around my neck. Michelle was directly behind me with her backpack filled with towel, swimsuit, books, journal, and a change of clothes.
It’s disturbing knowing that you’re getting better at certain things, but that you’re completely incompetent in others. And add to that – it’s just impossible to spend the same amount of time in the day that I would allocate to work, or to my real estate investing – now that we have Lian. Now, the time that she and I have together is time that I no longer have for myself or for my business. It’s not fair to compare time, since she is a beautiful being and a wonderful extra life to have around with us.
Yet at the same time, it’s inevitable that I compare. And it’s inevitable that I feel frustrated when it comes to the end of the day when she is in bed (when I sat down to write this, it was 10pm and Michelle had just finished feeding her and putting her to bed) and I no longer have the energy to do all the things that I had wanted to do. It is as if the choice of what to do each moment has become more striking - more clearly a choice. I have a choice of spending time, emotion and energy with my daughter, my wife, my wife and daughter, myself, or my work (and even that is split between my obligations to Chase and to my business partner in real estate). I have no more or less emotion, energy or time, but now I need to delegate it out to include one more very important person in my life. I will have to make that choice every single day probably for the next two decades.
posted by Note Buyer at 11:23 PM
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