Day 4 - Musings from an exhausted dad... it's 12.21AM, finally quieted little Lian. From 2 days of experience here at home, there are 3 things we've learned:
1. there are more than 4 things a baby craves. Yesterday we added warmth to the quiver of 4 that are: milk, clean diaper, burping and being held. Today we added ... well we're not sure but we tried the above 5 that we'd learned on our first night on our own with her, and we utterly failed. Two hours later, I pulled the technology solution - the battery-powered swing a friend of ours bought for us. On the baby monitor here in the kitchen (yes, this is my musing spot as I listen to what's going on in our distant bedroom - the monitor is a form of cord that I use to "connect" to my little family), I'm listening to the rhythmic back and forth'ing of the 4 foot tall swing. It is the only sound I hear, so the score is: Swing 1, Lian 0.
2. This little item below that I thought would be such a wild success for little one - and which was in fact the only reason Michelle and I bought one - has proved useless over the past 48 hours. Yes, the iPod is not indispensable to all children, I've concluded. In fact, that vacuum cleaner and dryer tracks I bought and downloaded and set on repeat mode on the iPod didn't do a single thing except to excite her and get her to perform even more loudly. So much ubiquitous baby sleep strategies.
3. We learn incredibly quickly as adults. A few examples: Michelle knows exactly how to breastfeed Lian - and what I mean by that is how to position her, how to tickle her upper lip to make her open her little mouth, how to press her onto her breast hard while her mouth is wide open in order to get her to attach properly, and how to insert her index finger into the corner of her mouth in order to break her suction.
In fact we've developed a sort of routine, if I can call it that - Michelle feeds on one breast, then I change Lian's diaper in order to wake her up again (she falls asleep during all daytime feedings and needs to be stimulated by slapping her heels, tickling her sides, squeezing breast milk into her mouth which works very well, or tickling her cheeks), Michelle feeds on the second breast, I burp her on my leg (it's amazing how long and hard you can burp a baby - I was advised at the hospital that if we were to introduce formula, we could burp for as long as 1/2 hour), then swaddle her and put her into her little sleeping basket (it's a soft 27"x10" wicker basket we ordered from Pier 1 to store baby clothes and supplies in that we've converted into her crib).
Doing what we know has become easy, and that is comforting to both of us as parents. There's nothing you want more as a new parent than to face a challenge which you know how to overcome. When Lian is crying and you think that by swaddling her snugly into her little blanket, you'll soothe her little wails ... and it works ... then you are the happiest dad in the world. It's when you're working on addressing the fifth "cause for crying" that you've diligently spent the prior night working out (keeping her warm), and you're failing miserably at reducing the baby din in your apartment, that you feel utterly hopeless as a new dad. If we hadn't had the swing in the next door baby room, I would have tried what I did last night - throw some of my dirty clothes in the dryer, turn it on, and place her baby basket on top of the drier.
So as I'm falling asleep here in the kitchen, listening to the battery-powered swing sounds from my bedroom accompanied by Michelle's soothing night-time chorus, I'd like to put together a few quick suggestions for those who come next - whenever that may be - in order to spare you the frustrations of coming up against challenges for which you don't know the answer as a newborn dad:
Tips for Newborn Dads
#1: Ask the hospital for as many baby blankets as possible - they're 3' square, will be in a print that you'd never buy yourself (ours have footprints all over them in different colors), and they'll be the best thing you've ever used. Also, while you're at it, make good use of the hospital-supplied burping cloths, baby hats, shirt tops (those ones with the extra long sleeves so your child doesn't scratch its face with its fingernails) and wet blankets. I call them wet blankets since I have no idea what they're called, but they're the same size as your baby blankets except they are plastic coated on one side for use whenever you need a little liquid protection (a changing area, for example).
#2: the dark hair growing on your little girl's back and behind her ears will eventually disappear. Noone will be able to tell you exactly when, and noone will quite be able to convince you that there's a 100% likelihood of that hair disappearing, but you'll be mostly reassured.
#3: Your wife read the book, and you didn't. So don't make pretend that you know what you're doing. Case in point: I was excited about washing Lian for the first time. I cleaned the kitchen sink, then I remembered the advice from Michelle's sister "keep the room warm", so I chose the bathroom. I got a chair from the living room and set it up by the sink. I filled the sink with hot water, pulled out a little finger cloth we'd been given by a friend, and went to get Lian. Michelle walked down the hall holding her and asked me if I was going to wash her. Yes, I replied. OK, she answered, and walked into the bathroom to inspect my setup. The water was too hot, she told me, the washrag wasn't soft enough, she added, I wasn't going to be able to undress her completely, she threw in, and I had to make sure to wash between her legs, in the folds of her neck, and to avoid her umbilical cord at all costs. All of this led us to Argument #1: Dean feels like he is the useless dad; Michelle ends up feeling that she's the correct but overbearing mom. We come to this realization only after I get steamed up with her, and she gets upset with me.
#4: Don't try to clip your baby's nails for the first time: instead let someone who has done this before show you exactly how to do it. It's terrifying to do it yourself, and satisfying to see someone else succeed where you failed. You can always do it the next time around. No brownie points for bloody fingers.
And so, as I fall asleep here at the screen, I have only one thought going through my mind ... how long can 4 C batteries power a baby swing? All I need is about 5 hours. Let's hope these are Energizers ;-)
1. there are more than 4 things a baby craves. Yesterday we added warmth to the quiver of 4 that are: milk, clean diaper, burping and being held. Today we added ... well we're not sure but we tried the above 5 that we'd learned on our first night on our own with her, and we utterly failed. Two hours later, I pulled the technology solution - the battery-powered swing a friend of ours bought for us. On the baby monitor here in the kitchen (yes, this is my musing spot as I listen to what's going on in our distant bedroom - the monitor is a form of cord that I use to "connect" to my little family), I'm listening to the rhythmic back and forth'ing of the 4 foot tall swing. It is the only sound I hear, so the score is: Swing 1, Lian 0.
2. This little item below that I thought would be such a wild success for little one - and which was in fact the only reason Michelle and I bought one - has proved useless over the past 48 hours. Yes, the iPod is not indispensable to all children, I've concluded. In fact, that vacuum cleaner and dryer tracks I bought and downloaded and set on repeat mode on the iPod didn't do a single thing except to excite her and get her to perform even more loudly. So much ubiquitous baby sleep strategies.
3. We learn incredibly quickly as adults. A few examples: Michelle knows exactly how to breastfeed Lian - and what I mean by that is how to position her, how to tickle her upper lip to make her open her little mouth, how to press her onto her breast hard while her mouth is wide open in order to get her to attach properly, and how to insert her index finger into the corner of her mouth in order to break her suction.
In fact we've developed a sort of routine, if I can call it that - Michelle feeds on one breast, then I change Lian's diaper in order to wake her up again (she falls asleep during all daytime feedings and needs to be stimulated by slapping her heels, tickling her sides, squeezing breast milk into her mouth which works very well, or tickling her cheeks), Michelle feeds on the second breast, I burp her on my leg (it's amazing how long and hard you can burp a baby - I was advised at the hospital that if we were to introduce formula, we could burp for as long as 1/2 hour), then swaddle her and put her into her little sleeping basket (it's a soft 27"x10" wicker basket we ordered from Pier 1 to store baby clothes and supplies in that we've converted into her crib).
Doing what we know has become easy, and that is comforting to both of us as parents. There's nothing you want more as a new parent than to face a challenge which you know how to overcome. When Lian is crying and you think that by swaddling her snugly into her little blanket, you'll soothe her little wails ... and it works ... then you are the happiest dad in the world. It's when you're working on addressing the fifth "cause for crying" that you've diligently spent the prior night working out (keeping her warm), and you're failing miserably at reducing the baby din in your apartment, that you feel utterly hopeless as a new dad. If we hadn't had the swing in the next door baby room, I would have tried what I did last night - throw some of my dirty clothes in the dryer, turn it on, and place her baby basket on top of the drier.
So as I'm falling asleep here in the kitchen, listening to the battery-powered swing sounds from my bedroom accompanied by Michelle's soothing night-time chorus, I'd like to put together a few quick suggestions for those who come next - whenever that may be - in order to spare you the frustrations of coming up against challenges for which you don't know the answer as a newborn dad:
Tips for Newborn Dads
#1: Ask the hospital for as many baby blankets as possible - they're 3' square, will be in a print that you'd never buy yourself (ours have footprints all over them in different colors), and they'll be the best thing you've ever used. Also, while you're at it, make good use of the hospital-supplied burping cloths, baby hats, shirt tops (those ones with the extra long sleeves so your child doesn't scratch its face with its fingernails) and wet blankets. I call them wet blankets since I have no idea what they're called, but they're the same size as your baby blankets except they are plastic coated on one side for use whenever you need a little liquid protection (a changing area, for example).
#2: the dark hair growing on your little girl's back and behind her ears will eventually disappear. Noone will be able to tell you exactly when, and noone will quite be able to convince you that there's a 100% likelihood of that hair disappearing, but you'll be mostly reassured.
#3: Your wife read the book, and you didn't. So don't make pretend that you know what you're doing. Case in point: I was excited about washing Lian for the first time. I cleaned the kitchen sink, then I remembered the advice from Michelle's sister "keep the room warm", so I chose the bathroom. I got a chair from the living room and set it up by the sink. I filled the sink with hot water, pulled out a little finger cloth we'd been given by a friend, and went to get Lian. Michelle walked down the hall holding her and asked me if I was going to wash her. Yes, I replied. OK, she answered, and walked into the bathroom to inspect my setup. The water was too hot, she told me, the washrag wasn't soft enough, she added, I wasn't going to be able to undress her completely, she threw in, and I had to make sure to wash between her legs, in the folds of her neck, and to avoid her umbilical cord at all costs. All of this led us to Argument #1: Dean feels like he is the useless dad; Michelle ends up feeling that she's the correct but overbearing mom. We come to this realization only after I get steamed up with her, and she gets upset with me.
#4: Don't try to clip your baby's nails for the first time: instead let someone who has done this before show you exactly how to do it. It's terrifying to do it yourself, and satisfying to see someone else succeed where you failed. You can always do it the next time around. No brownie points for bloody fingers.
And so, as I fall asleep here at the screen, I have only one thought going through my mind ... how long can 4 C batteries power a baby swing? All I need is about 5 hours. Let's hope these are Energizers ;-)
posted by Note Buyer at 12:22 AM
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